Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An embarrassed zebra! FML:
Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I was eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FMyLife Picture:
A man tells his friend, "My wife is an angel."
His friend replies, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive." FML:
Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me as she drooled. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy all of it. FMyLife Picture:
Q: What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his stomach. FML:
Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FMyLife Picture: